Have you experienced a certain quality in some relationships or friendships that hold such great power and importance for us… not based on who they are but on how it feels to be around them? The quality stands for how a certain space held by someone is felt. I use the word relationship freely as all that is held around me, through me, and for me is relational. That quality of space is the actual art in itself. I remember vividly my tutor Nida repeating often when space holding was discussed; it is an art, not a science.

There is no right or wrong form of space holding however it does stand on some grounds that somehow build that quality or experience for someone to feel safe or even brave. Carl Rogers in person-centered counseling categorized this space through three qualities. Genuineness, Empathy, and Positive Regard. In written form, this didn’t stand out for me until I categorized and journaled on how each quality has shown up for me and how it comes through me for others.

My Nana was poles apart from me in beliefs and cultural norms, I always categorized his room, his little world literally as the safest place for me. I couldn’t break down why until I read what unconditional positive regard felt like…. Always open arms for a ‘Nana… Jee Jana’ relationship where all were welcome. It was verbal & nonverbal formats of positive regard always addressing respect that the integrity of self is held. In that world, I was always accepted as a whole with no judgment.

Empathy comes softly like a friend holding my hand after I lost my first pet. The quality of that handheld no sympathy or pity but equal share of understanding of grief and loss. Nothing overtly caressed or held tightly but just held softly as if the other hand knows loss too. What a beautiful little thing this is truly… the absolute art of non verbal connections holds the strongest memory.

Genuineness can also feel like the electric joy of curiosity, like an energy free of weightage. My therapist showed me that childlike curiosity and genuine interest which held no façade or a role of a therapist, it’s the joy of knowing another human. I feel the same way when I hold space for community, always. Like it is a blessing to know another soul on their journey, and for me to be in that space with them fills me with curiosity always which is received as genuineness. Isn’t that a blessing?

I can go into over actualization and logical frameworks of ‘space’ itself in community engagement, psychotherapy and counseling but for me to channel and remember fragments of subjective quality is what makes space holding an art not science.

I welcome you to journal how these qualities come up for you? Or how you may have experienced them for yourself.